Phase Change
by illman
Summary: When Samantha reaches a dead end, she gets an unexpected glimpse into the future. COMPLETE
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own the WaT gang or their universe.

Title: Phase Change

Summary: Samantha has reached a dead end.

Rating: PG

A/N: Thanks to the people at Maple Street. You're wonderful and I can hardly imagine a group I'd rather be a part of.

"It's important to me that you understand that this seminar is not a punitive measure in any way."

"Then I don't understand why I'm being sent there." Samantha tries hard not to sound like the sixteen year old teen who got grounded. She can't help feel that way, though.

"Continued training is part of your job. It's vital to keep up to be able to handle all kinds of situations. You have been to training seminars before." her therapist talks slowly.

She has a point there, Samantha has to admit that. She has been on several seminars in the past. But then it felt like she was really going to training, to learn something new.

"It's just that I'm uncomfortable with the idea of attending a seminar about confidence in the field. I don't have a problem with my confidence, so it doesn't make much sense for me to attend." Sam tried to reason her way out of it.

"You have been shot in the field and while you might not notice it now, it has influenced your perception of both yourself and your work. Your supervisor Agent Malone and I think it would be a good idea if you attended the seminar." there is a hint of finality in her tone. She isn't going to give in, no matter what argument she tries to present.

"Okay." Samantha concedes that she can't win this one. Her tone is still calm, but the façade is difficult to uphold. Emotions threaten to rise to the surface, but she can't have that, not now. They will have to wait until she is safely out of this office.

"I'll see you then in two weeks. I think it would be a good idea if you kept a journal during the seminar, just for yourself to make notes on how you feel about the exercises. It might help you to get a more objective view." her tone is pleasant, but Samantha only hears the implication. If she needs to gain an objective view, then she's being accused of subjectivity. Her last case comes to mind as she gets up, shakes the hand of her therapist and leaves the office. She recalls the looks that Martin and Vivian gave her when she tried to get a feeling for Liane Sardo. They probably thought that she was identifying with her too much. Not that it matters now, she is going to this confidence-in-the-field seminar whether she wanted to or not. She lets out a sigh before returning to main office from where the team does most of its work. 

~~~

Jack greets her with a smile when he see her. He makes a gesture for her to come over. Somehow she already has a feeling that he isn't going to tell her something about their current case. With trepidation she crosses the office, acutely aware of the rest of the team looking on. Everyone knows that she is seeing a counsellor. No one has ever said anything to her about it, but she sometimes can't help but wonder what they are thinking. After all they work with her and have to be able to rely on her a hundred percent in the field. If she isn't competent then they might end up paying the price. Seen that way her colleagues have a valid interest in her emotional ability to handle the demand of field work. According to her own assessment she is doing fine, but it seems like no one is even asking her. Her therapist and Jack already have an opinion on that. She finally reaches the other end of the room where Jack is leaning against a window.

"You can take the rest of today and tomorrow off." this is the first thing he says to her without looking at her once. She can tell that he isn't too confident in the situation either. "We can handle the case well and besides you haven't taken a personal day since you joined the team." he quickly adds as if having to give a reason for giving her time off. In fact she is interest in the reason, but she knows that she is lying. Today is Thursday, on Saturday the seminar in Quantico starts. He doesn't want her in the field for now, a voice in her heads tells her before she can shut it of. No getting paranoid now, she tells herself. Calm down and listen, you can't change it anyways and the seminar won't take forever.

"You could have mentioned this before." She says facing the window.

"Samantha, it is my responsibility to make sure that everyone on the team is a hundred percent. This is not a matter of debate. If I can't make that call alone, then I can't do my job." he tried to explain. "I would have preferred that you agree with me on this." 

"It's okay." She is lying and he knows it. She is still looking out of the window.

He's playing the authority card. To his credit he has done so very rarely in the past. But now, he's doing it and it is making Sam even more angry at him. Rationally she can see his point very well, but emotionally she feels betrayed. Her therapist has asked her how she felt. She had said okay, for lack of a better word. Now, she knows exactly how she feels, she feels betrayed. It is not the seminar she is going to attend. It is the fact that Jack didn't tell her about it before. If he had, she still would have argued, but the bitterness wouldn't have been there. 

She gathers her briefcase, takes her coat and puts it on. On the way out, the conversation starts replaying in her head. With the words the feelings she smothered before return with a vengeance.

Betrayal is a loaded word to use in her relationship with Jack. Technically it's not her he had betrayed. He betrayed Maria, his wife. Samantha doesn't like to think about this way, it makes things sound harsh and cruel while it was everything but that. At least while it lasted. The dinners together and everything that came after them is all in the past now. What has remained is the memory, the vulnerability that one day it might harm then and the occasional uncomfortably. Like today. It would have been different, if the decision had come from Van Doran or from anyone else for that matter. But it being Jack made it personal, it makes her feel betrayed. 


	2. Memories

Disclaimer see Chapter 1

Samantha sits in her car, hand on the steering wheel .She has nothing to go home to except an empty apartment. The sudden free day presents her with a challenge. What to do with herself for an entire afternoon and evening? Practical thought wins at first and she makes her way downtown to run some errands that she had planned on taking care of on Sunday. But by the time she finishes, it's still too early to go home. She is envious of all the people who are still at work, their mind occupied. Most of them probably want to be rather home with their families than at work right now. She decides to go and see a movie and half an hour later she is ready to enjoy two hours of oblivion bought for $8. Not a bad deal.

The next day she decides to tackle all the household tasks that she has been putting off. By late afternoon even her windows are streak less and spotless. There is really nothing else to do. Her flight is booked, as is her rental car. All taken care of by the FBI. All she has to do is attend the seminar and hope that nobody there comes to the conclusion that she doesn't belong in the field after all. This is what she fears most, . It's the fact that she would have to acknowledge the impact that Barry Mashburn in his madness had on her life is not something she can just forget about and that a scar on her leg may not be the only memento. Hopefully there won't be too many tactical exercises. She has been slacking lately with regard to working out. For months, the recurring pain from the gunshot wound prevented her from doing any strenuous exercise and after that she never really picked it up again. It was just one thing, one more thing, when she was honest that she had led slide lately. Somehow, unnoticed and silently her personal life had started to fade away. The evening at after-work clubs, the night in bars, the drinks and the dates had become infrequent and then they had disappeared altogether after she had been shot. The process had begun long before Barry Mashburn had fired her gun, but somehow the wound in her leg had left one in her life as well. One FBI confidence seminar wasn't going to change that her make her feel better about it. All it had done so far, and it hadn't even started yet, was putting her in a bad mood, pondering the shortcomings of her personal life. Great, she thinks to herself, I wonder what Lisa would think about my negative attitude. She would probably think it was normal, or even if she did think something else she would hide it well from her. Samantha sighs. This kind of thinking isn't going anywhere, she needs to do something else.

She wonders what kind of agents she's going to meet there. Did everyone get send their be their supervisors? Probably not, but she is hardly going to be the only one who doesn't enjoy team seminars or confidence training. At least it's not a defence seminar. She can feel her sore muscles at the very memory. 

Still, that seminar was very enjoyable. But not for the training. It was where she and Jack met for the first time. She had been fresh out of Quantico and her supervisory agents at the narcotics unit she had been assigned to had sent her away on a one week defence class after only a month on the job. She had travelled there with a similar relevance. She had seen sit as a sign that her field ability was in doubt and that her boss thought she wasn't good enough. It was ironic how, six years later she was in exactly the same spot. Sure, she had climbed up the career ladder and made it into a high profile unit, a position most agents her age could only dream of. But her personal life had been frozen, put on hold. There had been dates and some of them had been followed by sex, there had even been bittersweet love, but never a relationship. Work was the core her life revolved around. She laid back on the bed, indulging in the memories of the defence seminar six years ago. She hadn't noticed Jack during the lectures that had taken up the first day, but when the time had come for practical exercises, she had been partnered with him. At first she had been sceptical. The exercises involved one of them playing a suspected resisting arrest and attempting to wound the agent with a knife. She had not paid much attention when the demonstrator had shown the group several tactics for handling the situation and now she was faced with the prospect that a man considerably taller and heavier than her might wrestle her to the ground. Needless to say, she had not liked the idea at all. Of course, it was her turn to play criminal first. At least all that time spent running paid off at that moment, she got a good job at stabbing the other agent with the dummy knife, while he is trying to throw her to the ground. 

"You should have disarmed me first." she said with a smile. He returned the smile and sat up. 

"Sorry for landing on you like that. Poor tactics."

"At least you got me pinned down."

"I'm Jack." he introduced himself.

"Samantha" she smiled again. Something about him made her smile. It was something that extended beyond physical attraction. Something that she had never been able to put her finger on. They had not only partnered up for this exercise but for numerous others during the seminar. The attraction had been obvious to both of them, but considering the time and environment they were in, neither of them had mentioned or much less acted upon it. Thinking back to herself had that time, fresh out of the academy, she had been much less confident around me. Her disastrous marriage was still fresh on her mind and the fact that Jack was a good fifteen years older had scared her. Then about a year after their first meeting, they had worked together for the first time, when their units worked on a common case. Jack had obviously been impressed by her professional abilities and he had later on recruited her for the missing persons unit. From then on, the dangerous gamble had started. Glances had turned into looks, subtle touches had turned into hugs, and dinners together had not ended at the front there anymore and soon after that, even the bedroom door had not posed an obstacle anymore. But the rules and regulation and the fact that jack was married and father of two had gotten into the way and they had ended their relationship. Or so it should be. Her feelings still refused to cooperated even when he told her it was over, and when he had risked his life to save hers, confusion had resulted. Right now, the only feeling she can muster toward jack is anger and disappointment, with a hint of sadness.


	3. Interlude I

Disclaimer and Notes in Chapter 1

Jack Malone had been looking forward to spending a nice, quiet weekend with his family. But then, early on Saturday morning, he had gotten a call, notifying him, that there was a case requiring his immediate attention A child was missing.  A 7-year-old boy he who had been over at the classmate's house had not come home to previous evening. The parents at first called all his friends but then when it was after midnight, they had called police. NYPD had turned over the case to the FBI. Since they were already one agent short off the usual full team as Samantha was at the FBI seminar in Quantico, Jack had to come in, even though he had already worked the last weekend. Now he was standing in the living room of the small urban apartment and witnessing another family facing a tragedy.  The boy's mother of women not even thirty was sitting on the couch crying, the father had his arm around her, on silent grief on his face.  Jack had seen too many scenes just like that. Sometimes, he and his team could help, but there were just as many cases, in which despite their best efforts, there was nothing they could do. 

"I dropped him off at his classmate's house.  He was wearing a red sweater and blue jeans." The father, Victor Polonyi explained, before he had even been asked. As an NYPD officer he had dealt with enough cases like this. He knew the procedure. But he also knew how slim the chances of recovering his son were. "He was supposed to get back before seven and because it is only two blocks so we thought it was OK for him to walk from his consummate times before. "

"Why did you drop him off in the afternoon when he was allowed to walk home alone?"

"I was all my way to the station", the father explained "The classmates name is Julian Barnett. His father, Tom Barnett is a colleague of mine, but we have known each other since high school."   

"Tell me about Julian, what is he like?"

"Oh God." the father buried his face in his hands, as if only now fully realizing that his son was missing.

"He's a sweet boy." his wife answered in a small voice. "He loves school, but even more sports. He wants to become a basketball player."

"Does he have many friends?"

"He gets along with the other kids in his class and there are three boys in the neighborhood that he plays with a lot. Julian is his best friend. They go to school together."

"Yes, they always play together Friday after school. I suppose it is possible that someone knew that. He has been allowed to walk home by himself since his seventh birthday three weeks ago." the father was now talking like a police officer. Jack knew exactly how hard it was to draw the line between home and the office. What Officer Polonyi said was right, habits were they best friends of stalkers. The way things were shaping up, Connie might have very well not just run of. Those cases were always among the hardest.

"Have there been any problems at work lately? Is there anyone with a grudge against you?"

"Nothing specific. You know how it is Agent Malone, there are always people angry because you put someone away, but I can't think of anyone specifically right now."

Jack knew he was right. He admired the father's composure, he wasn't sure he would react equally well if something happened to one of his daughter. Thinking back to the incident last year when his daughters had been threatened, still scared him. It made him realize in what potential danger he put the people he loved.

"That would be all for the moment. If you don't have a new lead by tomorrow we are going to involve the media. Do you have a recent photo of your son?"

"Yes." Rina Polonyi got up and got a framed picture from the shelf. "This was taken on his birthday three weeks ago. He was so happy…" Rina broke into sobs again. Her husband got up to comfort her.

"We'll let you know as soon as we have any information. We are doing everything we can." Jack tried to reassure them, even though he knew it was futile.

"Do you have children, Agent Malone?" Victor asked him.

"Yes, two daughters. I can only imagine what you're going through." Jack said and meant it. It hurt him that there wasn't more he could do. The only help he could offer lay in doing his job as well as he could.

Outside he met up with Vivian, Danny and Martin who had been talking to the neighbors. None of them had found out anything new. No one had seen Connie the evening he disappeared.

"Danny and I will finish up here. We still have a block to go to the classmate's house." Martin announced.

"Good, Vivian can you talk to the classmate, Julian Barnett. Try to find out what happened yesterday. Maybe they just got in a fight or something. Has NYPD talked to the parents yet?"

"Briefly, but they said they'd leave it to us. I called, but neither of them are home. An aunt is staying with Julian. His parents are at work. I'll have them over at the office this evening."

When he returned to his office almost 45 minutes later he found a note on his desk, telling him that he had received a call while he had been away, telling him to call back a certain number. He dialed the number, curious as to what was going on. He figured that it was probably related to their current case, although then they would probably have called his cell phone.

"Okay, thank you for notifying me. I'll call you back once I find out more." he finally managed to say and hung. He immediately dialed again, this time the number of Samantha's cell phone. No luck, an electronic voice informed him that the number he was trying to reach was unavailable at the time. This worried him. It was not like Samantha to ever turn her phone off. What now? Should he be doing something or simply wait for the matter to resolve itself.  Samantha was an adult woman and she had mentioned repeatedly that she didn't want to go to the seminar. Still it was unlike her just not to show up without informing anyone. At least she would have called Quantico to inform that that she could not make it. Jack only know realized that he had gotten up and started to pace up and down his office. He was torn between his concern for Samantha and fear of overreacting because of the feelings he still harbored for her. But right now, there was nothing he could do about Connie Polonyi's case. The financial checks would take their time, especially on a weekend and it would be some time until the others would be back. He knew it was unprofessional, but his instinct told him that he was doing the right thing by making sure that Samantha was all right. After all, it would take him less than two hours before he was back at the office, he reasoned with himself, as he was already on his way to the car. 

He knew the way to the apartment building by heart. It had been a while since he had last been there, but the fond memory was still present in his mind. They had spent good times at her apartment. With him having a family, there had never been any question as to whose place it would be for the evening or sometimes, if they were lucky, even the night. The affair might be over, but his feelings weren't. In fact he hated to think of his relationship with Samantha as an affair, even though that was what it had been. But calling it an affair gave it the label of something immoral, temporary. It diminished his feelings something which at heart he didn't want. 

When he arrived at the building he showed the doorman his FBI badge and then went upstairs. As he had feared, nobody answered the door. Just to be sure, he tried her cell phone again. As before he got no answer. He returned to the lobby where the doorman was on duty. Hopefully, he remembered when he had last seen Samantha. He did indeed.

"She said she was going to be out of town all week. When she left Saturday morning, she had a big gym bag with her."  The doorman told him.

"Have you seen her since then?"

"No, and I have been here all week-end. But as she said, she wouldn't be back before the next week-end."

Jack didn't like what he was hearing. More and more, it looked like something was wrong here.

"How did she seem when she left?" Jack asked.

"Like she always seems." the doorman shrugged.

"Thank you for your help" Jack said and left. Next on his checklist of was her parking garage two blocks from her apartment. As he had already expected her car wasn't there. It made sense; she had left with a bag and headed to her car. This was consistent for heading to the FBI seminar in Quantico. He could not shake the impression that she had left the city but hadn't arrived in Quantico. Something was wrong here.  He decided to make a few more phone calls from the office to find out whether she had been on her fight before he actually made a case out of it.  Reporting her missing could be seen by the wrong people as another proof of their alleged against rules relationship. Returning to the office, he found Vivian waiting for him. She gave him a sharp look and handed him a file.

"We have been checking known paedophiles in the area. One of them missed a meeting with his parole officer on Friday. Martin and Danny are checking him our right now. Where have you been?"

"I needed to check something out and it took longer than expected." He offered a half through. Then, forcing himself to show interest in the case, he asked.

"Did you turn up anything else?"

"We're nowhere. None of our background checks revealed anything of Interest financial records are okay. We're now looking into his friends and classmates and the police is still canvassing the neighborhood. If we don't find anything until noon, we're going to go to the media. Someone might have seen something."

"Okay, widen the search radius of the area."

"Already did. There is a grandmother out in Brooklyn, but we haven't been able to reach her on the phone. I was going to go there now. Are you coming?" Vivian looked at him, sensing that something was off. "Is everything all right? Maria and the kids okay?"

"Yes, yes, they are fine." He replied absentmindedly. He was glad that Vivian had put him back on track. A boy had disappeared and that was where his focus was supposed to be. Checking with the airline would have to wait until he got back to the office. 

_tbc___


	4. Dream I

Disclaimer (see Chapter 1)

It was dark—completely dark. And she felt dizzy, like she had ridden a very fast carousel and had just gotten off. But she hadn't been on a carousel, at least not as far as she knew. The last thing she recalled doing was driving. She had been trying to find her way to the FBI seminar that her boss had forced her to sign up for. She had been annoyed when she had left New York City, but her discontent had been growing ever since then. Her flight had been delayed by three hours; then at the car rental nobody could seem to find her reservation. It had taken her almost an hour, but she had finally managed to sort out the mess.

 Four hours late, hungry and annoyed, she had managed to get lost on the way. It had started to rain heavily. That was the last thing she recalled. The question was where was she now? Slowly fear started creeping up on her. Something was wrong. She felt strange, like she wasn't fully awake. Maybe this was just a strange dream. But she quickly dismissed the possibility. This was too detailed to be a dream. She extended her hand and tried to feel around for something that would tell her more about where she was. Hours seemed to pass before her hand made contact with something. Like a jolt of electricity, a sharp pain-like sensation shot through her body the second she had touched the unknown object. Almost simultaneously the blankness started to recede. It made way to twilight. Still, it was light enough to enable her to recognize her surroundings. She was standing in a room. Judging by the furniture, it was a living room. It was unfamiliar and she had no explanation how she could have ended up there.

She approached a window. The sun was rising in what looked like one of the millions of suburban streets in North America. There was a dark SUV parked in front of this house as well. She couldn't see much more. Determined to find out all she could, she made her way to the living room door. She reached for the doorknob but didn't get a grip on it. Instead she found herself on the other side of the door.  "Oh God," Samantha gasped. She was starting to panic. This had to be a dream. That was the only explanation. Nowhere in the rational world was there a possible explanation for this. Maybe she had fallen asleep at the wheel; she had been tired after all. But how could she wake up again? She tried pinching herself, but to no effect. She tried forcing herself to ignore the rising panic. Losing control wouldn't help her. She needed to be rational. The more information she had, the closer she would come to making sense of this. She decided to look around further.

The room she had entered coming from the living room was an open kitchen joined with a corridor leading to what looked like a front door. From the corridor, stairs were leading upwards to the right. She moved into the kitchen. From the number of dishes drying next to the sink, it looked like there were several people living here. That would fit the quite spacious rooms. A noise, the sound of footsteps. What now? How would she be able to explain what she was doing in the house of complete strangers? She could hardly say that she had just found herself there. And the passing through a closed door? They would think that she was crazy. Maybe she was. For the first time the thought crossed her mind. Could one know if one were seeing things that weren't real? Probably not. It was safer to leave. She made a dash for the front door, but before she could reach it, the sound of footsteps stopped. Slowly she turned around, fearing the worst. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. It wasn't a stranger who was standing in the kitchen. It was herself –or at least someone who looked exactly like herself, or almost like herself. The woman's hair was shorter and she looked a bit heavier than she was. She was tempted to move closer, especially since the woman had not noticed her. She was going about making breakfast like there was no one else there. Fascination suppressed the panic as she watched her alter ego make coffee and set the table for four people. Now Samantha was curious who else would enter the room. She stayed in the corridor, allowing her a good view of the kitchen and the stairs. Every time her alter ego turned her head in her direction, she feared that she would be seen, but the woman's gaze went right through her. The breakfast was just about ready when another set of footsteps came from the direction of the stairs. She turned around and saw Martin come down the stairs. She was even more surprised when he and her alter ego exchanged a hug. Puzzled, Samantha continued to watch the couple have breakfast. The conversation was fairly typical: they were talking about a missing person's case. But then Samantha's alter ego suddenly said something that threw Samantha off completely.

"I need to get Lana ready for school now. Can you drop her off on the way to work?"

"Sorry, I'm not heading to the office first; otherwise I would take her," Martin replied. While he was still eating, Samantha's alter ego went upstairs. Now fairly convinced that she wouldn't be seen, Samantha followed her.

The resemblance was clearly visible—Lana had taken after her mother.

Seeing her alter ego interact with her daughter touched something within Samantha. Something she hadn't known existed within her. In spite of the worrisome nature of her situation, she couldn't help but be fascinated and touched by it in some twisted way. In this world she was obviously married to Martin and had a daughter with him. This was just wrong. Not because she didn't like Martin.  On the contrary, he was nice and kind and she knew that he had a crush on her. She could imagine a few dates with him, yes, but not raising a family together. Raising a family with anyone didn't figure in her future plans. Of course, she had toyed with the thought. This was something that just came with age, but deep down she didn't believe in the idyllic family. As a teenager she had already felt the urge to escape from the staged routine of family life. Back then, it had filled her with disgust and rage to see how under the perfect façade, lies and deceit were commonplace. Now, the rage had made way to resignation. Her own marriage had lasted all of six months. Various relationships with various men had been fun, but in no way fulfilling. The relationship with Jack had been different in some ways. There the feelings ran deeper—at least hers did—but she wasn't so sure about him. But not that it mattered now. It was over between them and on top of it all, their working relationship had suffered as well. Being sent to the seminar had only been the latest example. She could see how Martin might appear as a safe bet.

Samantha had been so lost in her thoughts that she had forgotten to pay attention to what was going on around her. Only the sound of the front door closing got her attention. Her alter ego was back without Lana. She had probably dropped her off at school, like she had said earlier. The woman dropped her coat on the kitchen counter and sat down on the couch in the living room. In spite of the early hour, she looked worn. The look on her face was filled with sadness and resignation.

Seeing her alter ego sitting on the couch with such a sad look on her face pained her. She had the irresistible urge to reach out to her. She knew it was futile, but still, she reached out her hand. It was not totally unlike when she had first reached for a door, but the sensation didn't fade, but grew in intensity. Her vision was darkening again and her body started to feel numb. She fought the darkness, but the black spot in her field of vision grew relentlessly. It took only seconds until it was as pitch black as before she had found herself in the living room.

tbc


	5. Interlude II

Disclaimer see Chapter 1  
  


Jack rubbed his eyes; he was losing the fight against fatigue. The day had been busy. The team, minus Samantha of course, had worked frantically on the case. It was the usual programme: canvassing the neighbourhood, talking to teachers and friends, eventually contacting the media and then monitoring the sightings, trying to detect a pattern to them. But nothing. They had not managed to discover a clear lead in this case. There was no motive within the boy's family nor was there any reason to suspect the friends' families of any wrong doing. While forcing himself to direct the main thrust of his energy on the case, he had also pursued his own investigation into Samantha's potential disappearance. Luckily, at this stage, he could still gather information by phone. That way he had found out that she had indeed boarded the flight she had purchased tickets for and had also picked up the rental car at the airport. That was where he had lost her trail. In the meantime, he had also contacted Quantico again, but they had not heard anything new from her either. The realisation was painful. He was now at a point where he had to consider her missing. By the next morning he would probably have to officially file a report and launch an investigation. He doubted that he would be allowed to be involved in it. It was no secret to Van Doran that his objectivity was compromised where Samantha was involved. He checked his watch. It was almost 2 a.m.—time to go home.

~~~

Pain. White light, brighter than anything she had ever seen burned her eyes and filled her skull with pain. She tried to move away, but had no control over her body. It didn't even seem to be there. It was the strangest thing. It scared her more than anything. She was more terrified than she had been in the bookstore, slowly bleeding to death. At least then she had known what was happening; now she was completely clueless. For all she knew, she could be crazy or this could be some hellish version of the afterlife. Suddenly she noticed that the light intensity had diminished and the pain quickly became more manageable. At first she dismissed it as her nerves playing tricks on her, but then she was certain her other senses were returning, albeit only sporadically. She heard muted, intermittent noises. She couldn't identify them, but in her current situation she was happy enough to be hearing something.

~~~

When the shrill sound of the alarm clock brutally interrupted his sleep, he felt as if he had fallen asleep only ten minutes ago. He recalled flashes from his dream. He didn't know what he had dreamed about, but it had been unsettling and violent. He sat on the edge of the bed, trying to clear his head, when on top of it all, a ringing sound exacerbated his headache. His first instinct was to ignore it, but then he thought better of it. He might be missing important news regarding the case. It took him two more ringings until he finally found his cell phone under the bed.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Did you just wake up?"

"No, I was about to leave," he lied, not wanting to explain what had kept him up so late.

"We finally have a lead. A friend of the family called, and she claims she saw the boy this morning near the house of his grandmother."

"Isn't the grandmother on vacation?"

"So we thought. I tried calling, but no one picked up. Martin and Danny are on their way there to check out the lead."

"Okay. I'll meet you at the office in half an hour." Jack hung up. Half an hour was more than ambitious.

A shower and two cups of coffee later, his head had cleared up enough to think. As much as he liked that, it also brought on more worries about Samantha and what he would find out when he got to the office. By now the police would probably have responded to his enquiry.

Rarely had the drive to his office seemed to take so long. Every traffic light tested his patience. He nervously drummed his fingers while waiting for the last traffic light to turn green. Finally he arrived at his parking spot in the FBI garage. Normally he took the elevator upstairs, but today he didn't bother. Out of breath, he arrived at the office where Vivian was already waiting for him.

"I didn't think you'd make it in thirty minutes." She commented in lieu of a good morning.

 "Almost," he said, checking his watch. It had taken him all of forty-two minutes. "Is there any news?"

"Not yet. Danny and Martin are still stuck in morning traffic. I checked out the grandmother and this family friend, but nothing interesting. One thing, though, there was another phone call about a sighting. Two construction workers claim to have seen the boy in the neighbourhood of his grandmother this morning. They said he seemed lost, but when they tried to talk to him, he ran away. NYPD is checking out the area now. It seems like we might be on to something."

Jack forced himself to stay focussed on what Vivian was telling him. "But we still don't know why he ran away from home in the first place."

"How do you know he ran away?"

"Everything seems to indicate that he did. None of the people who saw him noticed anyone else with him."

"So what do you suggest?"

"I say we talk with his parents again. I have the feeling that they might know more."

"Okay, let's go."

Jack hesitated. "I have something to take care of here. Can you go and talk to the parents?"

Vivian looked at him, but eventually agreed. "Sure. I'll keep you informed."

Jack was glad that she had let him get away so easily. She had surely noticed that something had been weighing on him. She knew him too well not to. But it was not like Vivian to ask, as she wasn't one to pry into the personal lives of others. With Vivian on her way, Jack retreated into his office. As soon as he had opened the door, he saw the faxed page that had arrived during his absence. He dashed over to the fax machine and scanned the page, forcing himself to slow down so he wouldn't miss anything. He started off with the part he dreaded most—the Jane Does found in the area where he presumed Samantha had gone missing. Nothing. Three women had been found, but none of them matched her described. One of them was too old, one too young and the third Jane Doe was African American. He sighed, somewhat relieved, and went on to the next list.

There, after maybe ten minutes of reading, one entry peaked his interest. Caucasian female, blonde hair, late twenties to early thirties, had been found at the roadside, presumably the victim of a car accident. A badly burnt car had been found a bit farther downhill. He could feel his heart beat faster. That was what he had hoped for and had been afraid of at the same time. It meant nothing, he tried to reassure himself. It could be any woman. There were millions of women in the country fitting that very generic description. Still, it all fit. This was the area that Samantha would have travelled through on the way to the seminar. Jack took a couple of deep breaths, trying to remain calm. His anxiety surprised him. He was used to handling tough situations and had normally few problems maintaining his calm. Not so when Samantha was involved, though. He vividly recalled the seconds leading up to his decision to trade himself for her when she had been held hostage by Barry Mashburn. He had been everything but rational in that moment. His rational self would have thought of his own safety and of his two girls at home. But, to his shame, not one fleeting thought had been devoted to them during those crucial seconds. Now the stakes were far lower, but in a way, it felt worse because now he was powerless—he had no influence over Samantha's fate. All he could do was try to find out what had happened to her.

tbc


	6. Dream II

Disclaimer, see Chapter 1  
  
  


The rhythmical beeping noises were joined by others, harder to identify, more muffled sounds. Occasionally, an odd sharp tone, as if metal hit metal, pierced the cacophony of sounds. Samantha was tired of trying to make sense of it all. Her head hurt - or at least she thought it was her head. Thinking hurt and the noises changed far too quickly and too randomly to give any clue as to what was going on. She just wanted to sleep; she wanted the noise to go away. Why wouldn't they let her sleep? Who was making the noise? Too many questions! Samantha was frustrated. Just as she was about to give up trying to bring order to her chaotic world, the sound of what was clearly a human voice became audible. Like when one was far away, she heard that it was a voice, but she couldn't understand a word. She pushed herself to work through the headache and to focus on the words alone. "...Do you ..." Someone was talking to her. It was a question, but there was no way she could answer; she was too tired. They would have to come back later - much later.

~~~

"You want the short version or the long version?" a voice, probably Vivian's, asked from the direction of the door. Jack didn't recall her having knocked. He did recall that she called and told him that they found the boy. The rest of the last two hours had passed in a haze. He had tried to sit down and work on overdue reports, but concentration had eluded him. He had forgotten his point in mid-sentence; his thoughts had returned to Samantha and the question whether she was the Jane Doe in the report. He was torn. The FBI Agent Jack Malone wouldn't allow him to neglect his current case or other professional matters over some personal might-or-might-not-be case, while Jack, the person, couldn't think straight that morning before he found out what had happened to Samantha. He realized that Vivian was probably waiting for an answer.

„Um, yeah," he replied absent-mindedly.

„Short version it is. Apparently, the boy overheard a fight of his parents. It was loud enough for the neighbours to hear. It was from them that we heard about it. Finally, the wife admitted that they were talking about getting a divorce. Said she didn't think it was relevant. Same story as always. They always think the kids don't know what's going on..."

Somewhere around that point, Jack lost her. Should he call the local police station later and ask for more information about the Jane Doe case? It wouldn't be a problem. He had the authority. Well, not officially, since it wasn't part of a federal investigation, but local law enforcement very rarely asked for detailed paperwork, especially not in a case like this. And Van Doran would never find out - in theory anyways. But if she ever did find out, he was going to be in trouble for running his own investigation on Bureau time while neglecting the case of a missing minor.

„Jack, what is going on? You're hardly paying attention to the case. Is something wrong at home?" Vivian asked, standing in the doorframe and giving Jack one of her patented stern looks.

„No, everything is fine at home." Jack sighed while turning towards her. „It's Samantha. She never showed up at the training in Quantico. I got a call from the agent in charge yesterday asking about her. I've checked with both the airline and the rental company. Everything checks out so far." Jack answered, surprised at how objective he had managed to remain. But although he might have been able to fool Vivian to some extent, he couldn't deceive himself. He was getting more worried by the second.

Vivian paused and looked at him, before she asked the next question. „Have you run the usual checks yet? Morgues, hospitals, credit cards?"

„Nothing on the morgues, one possible match with hospitals." He handed her the sheet with the circled entry. „I haven't had the chance the run her credit cards yet." That wasn't entirely true. He simply hadn't thought of it. Maybe it was because it would feel like a massive intrusion into Samantha's private life. Or maybe he had just been too distracted by the case and by his nervosity.

„Since we're done with the other case, we can check this out." Vivian pointed to the sheet that Jack had handed her. „But if it turns out a dead end, you're filing a missing person's report," Vivian said in a tone that left nothing open to questions. Jack nodded, just glad that Vivian hadn't brought up any of his more questionable actions.

~~

When she came to next, she felt much better. The pain and the noises were gone. Still she felt weird. It was completely dark, and she felt like she was floating. It reminded her of what had happened before she had found herself in that strange dream with Martin and her together. The familiarity of it diminished her fear a great deal. After all, in her current situation she didn't have much to lose. Like before, slowly she started to be able to make out her surroundings. This time they were familiar to her. She was standing in her own bedroom. Had everything just been a dream? But then, she should be waking up in bed, not standing between the bed and the window. Besides, it was hard, if not impossible to just ignore what she had experienced previously. She turned her attention to the room. The décor was slightly different from the way she remembered it. She looked out the window. It looked like early evening. A look at her alarm clock, which was still placed on her nightstand, confirmed it—5.19 p.m. Curious as to what she was going to find, she moved further. This time, she wasn't as shocked when she was able to move through the wall unobstructed. It was amazing how fast one got used to the strangest things. If someone had told her this yesterday, she would never have believed it. In her living room/kitchen, she found herself unpacking groceries. It still jolted her to see herself from outside of her body. This was simply not a sight she was supposed to see. Knowing that she didn't have to fear being detected, she approached. Although her alter ego had aged, time had been better to her. She had stayed in shape in this dream, or version of reality or whatever she should call it. Not that any of it mattered, as she had no power of action here. Her alter ego finished putting her groceries into the fridge and put away the bags. That done, she disappeared into the bedroom. Samantha didn't bother to follow her, but took the opportunity to look around. Somehow, it felt more comfortable doing that while her alter ego wasn't around. The chains of rational thinking that governed that normal world were harder to shake than she had thought. The bookshelf had grown a bit. Several travel guides about Italy. Had she been to Italy? She had toyed with the idea, yes. But actually doing it? She continued to scan the shelves. There were several new photographs as well. Herself on a beach with one hell of sunburn. Italy maybe? More pictures that looked like they were taken on vacation. She was alone in all of them. She let out a sigh. Still, this alter ego seemed happier, even though she was still single by the looks of it. Or not! Her alter ego reappeared from the bedroom, dressed in a black, short dress with a lot of cleavage. The dress had to be new. That dress she would remember. Just as she mentally went through the contents of her wardrobe, she noticed a faint headache building up. Her alter ego disappeared into the bathroom. It looked like she was going out. Where did that leave her? Follow her alter ego to some club? She had hoped that the dating game would come to an end in a few years. It was tiring and time consuming. Still, her alter ego seemed to be really looking forward to eating. She had been grinning like a maniac earlier. When she emerged from the bathroom, with her hair done, she looked more nervous than happy. First date? But she made no move to leave the house; instead, she started to get busy in the kitchen. Samantha watched her get out two fancy glasses, a bottle of champagne and a bottle of orange juice. Apparently her date was coming home. That wasn't her usual style. She was even more surprised when she heard a key turn in the lock.

tbc


	7. Coming Together

Disclaimer see Chapter 1

A/N: Warning, this might get sappy. Thanks to DM for beta'ing and to MSt for being such a great bunch of people.  
  


Part of Jack was glad that Vivian was taking over. Normally he had no problem handling this kind of situation. This was routine. Checking hospitals and morgues was part of almost every missing person's case. He had done it hundreds of time. But this time it was different. He knew the victim. The grizzly image of Samantha hurt or even dead snuck up on him in the most unexpected moments. As much as he wanted—needed—-to find out what had happened to Samantha, he also dreaded the moment of truth more than anything in a long time. It was a lose-lose situation. If she wasn't the woman in the hospital, then he had no lead to go on and she would officially become one of their case files. He would no longer be able to write off her disappearance as simply him worrying too much; no, it would be real then. But if she was indeed Jane Doe, then that meant that she had been in a serious accident, a possibility that hurt him even to consider.

"Jack," Vivian interrupted him. "Jack, take a break. Take a walk, get a cup of coffee, I don't care, but stop pacing. It will be a while. I faxed them Samantha's prints and they will do a comparison. We will know in two hours," Vivian explained.

"Thanks," Jack said and grabbed his coat. He hadn't even noticed that he was pacing. Two hours—two long hours. He had no idea what he was going to do in those two hours. But Vivian was right; he needed to get out. He glanced out the window; it was rainy. Oh well, it suited his mood, he thought grimly, before heading for the door.

"I'll call you as soon as I know something," Vivian called after him, as he left the office and went towards the elevator, joining the stream of people heading for an early lunch break.

The streets were filled with people like on every other day, but to him, they were nothing but a grey, anonymous mass moving along the busy streets. He walked, letting himself drift, trying to abandon directed thought, as it would only go in circles.

~~~

There was a flash of bright light, too intense to see—-so intense that it caused pain. But it was brief. It only took a second, then it was over and she could clearly see her alter ego's living room again. Samantha was somewhat disconcerted by the experience. This was all news to her. Normally in adult life, almost everything could be based on some kind of previous experience—-or, if not, reason could be used as a substitute. But in her particular situation, she was flying blind. This was beyond any of her life experiences and certainly beyond reason. She was soon distracted from her worries by the opening of the door. To her surprise, it was Jack Malone who entered the apartment. He had a key? Interesting. Some things hadn't changed apparently. He was still wearing a white shirt and suit like he always did, but he had gotten a hair cut, Samantha thought to herself, slightly amused in spite of the serious situation. Her alter ego greeted Jack with a hug and a kiss. A hint of jealousy and nostalgia stirred in Samantha.

"Sorry, traffic as usual," Jack explained as lateness. "So, what's the special occasion? And where are we going for dinner?"

"Hey, stop being that impatient!" Samantha's alter ego teased.

Pain that made her scream involuntarily shot through her head. The apartment and its occupants blurred in front of her eyes. No, Samantha wanted to hold on, but couldn't. Everything became bright white again. For a split second, she saw something: a face—female—framed by red hair. It didn't look familiar. Then she switched back to the apartment, but only for a couple of seconds. The room brightened again and became blurry, much faster than before. This time, she hardly had the time to become aware of what was happening. Suddenly she was looking at something off-white and the face of the woman with the red hair appeared again. She was saying something, but Samantha couldn't hear. As rapidly as the image had appeared, it vanished again and she was back in her alter ego's living room. She felt dizzy and the headache hadn't disappeared again. This scared her more than anything she had witnessed before. It seemed more real and was much harder to grasp at the same time. This was what frightened her—-this rapid changing between such different realities that couldn't possibly co-exist. Was she losing her mind? Fear started to overtake her again. The safety she had felt in her alter ego's apartment was gone. Even though she was now back there, she knew that she couldn't rely on staying there.

"Here you go." Her alter ego handed Jack a glass. Samantha was confused. Where was she? Apartment, Jack, herself? Ah, she was back where she had been before. How long had she been gone? Now, the champagne from before was on the table and both Samantha and Jack were sitting on the couch talking about some weekend getaway. Her alter ego sounded really happy. Whatever work-related obstacles there had been apparently weren't a problem anymore. Maybe she wasn't working with Jack anymore.

"So why did you ask me to meet you here before dinner?" Jack returned to the same point as before.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Her alter ego sounded serious.

"Okay, talk to me."

Even though it wasn't her life, Samantha was scared of what came next. It seemed like her alter ego had bad news for Jack. But she might be misreading; her alter ego could just be nervous.

"Jack, I'm pregnant," her alter ego announced. That she had not expected. Neither had Jack, judging by the look on his face. Suddenly, without moving, she sat where her alter ego had just been sitting, directly face to face with Jack. She felt that she was fully there. She could feel her back making contact with the couch. Jack was looking straight at her. She looked back at him, smiling, realizing, that this might be her last chance to do anything. But before she could make a move or say something, darkness started to settle. Samantha was scared. She had never felt this much at peace before.

~~~

The rain was pouring down over the city and Jack was hardly noticing. Only when it stopped and a ray of sun broke it, he stopped and looked up at the sky, becoming aware of the change in weather. The sudden interruption of his trance-like wandering made him look around. He didn't know exactly where he was, but the area did look familiar, and he had definitely been here before. He checked his watch. It told him that he had been walking for a good forty-five minutes. Now paying attention, he walked around the corner, trying to locate a reference point. He got lucky. Two streets over, he found himself in front of a familiar Italian restaurant. He hadn't been there in a while. In fact, the last time he had been there was the last time he and Samantha had spent a night together. It had seemed so simple, while creating so many complications at the same time. Of course, he had told himself that he knew what he was getting himself into, but had he really? The honest answer was no, he hadn't. There had been no way of knowing how things would go. There wasn't ever. If he and Samantha hadn't allowed each other to get that close, there wouldn't be such a mess between them now. Maybe there wouldn't be such a mess in his marriage either, but that he doubted. Things had been falling apart there for years. The first cracks had been apparent before he had even met Samantha. Jack sighed. And now, he had lost. Maria blamed him for everything that went wrong in their relationship. Samantha was angry at him for sending her to the FBI seminar. But no matter how he looked at it, he had made every decision with his best intentions, and still they had turned on him. Not that this kind of thinking would do him any good now. He suddenly noticed that he was feeling hungry and entered the restaurant, in spite of the sentimental weight that it carried. Luckily, it was fairly empty, considering that it was lunchtime. A quarter of an hour later, he had a table and had ordered something to drink, resisting the temptation of an alcoholic beverage. While waiting on his water to arrive, his thoughts took on a life of their own again, returning to the mess that was his life at the moment. Maybe he was going about it all wrong, maybe he was being too indecisive. Six months ago he had made the decision to go back to Maria and try to fix their marriage. The result had been more fights, more ill feelings and—he had to admit it—more time spent at work. Maybe it was time to talk to Maria about taking the next step. They hadn't talked in months—really talked. In fact, he hadn't really talked to anyone in a long time. He hadn't talked to Samantha in a while. He should have. He probably should have tried to make her understand more why he felt it was necessary to send her to the extra training. It was still her right to disagree, but it would have been better to explain more. But, no, he had stopped talking. At the moment, his cell phone rang. Frantically, he searched his pocket, reaching for the wrong one first, and then finally finding his phone. It was Vivian. They had found Samantha. She had been identified as the Jane Doe in the hospital. She was going to be all right. The circumstances of the accident hadn't been cleared yet; the police were still investigating. Jack smiled for the first time that day.

~~~

She opened her eyes. One glance told her what she somehow already knew: a hospital. A woman wearing a nurse's uniform was standing next to her bed filling something out.

"Hello," Samantha said to the nurse with the red hair, who somehow looked familiar.

"Oh, hello. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were awake. How do you feel?"

"Dizzy. My head hurts."

"You hit your head pretty hard. Hold on a minute. I'm going to get your doctor, and she will be able to answer all your questions."

"Thank you, Rita," Samantha read off the nurse's name badge. 

She felt odd. She could guess that she had had an accident; she could recall frantically trying to remain in control of her car. That was the last thing she recalled. She had probably come off the road. That made sense. But there was something else. She felt like she had just woken from a vivid dream that was just beyond her conscious reach. Probably a result of hitting her head, she reassured herself. Besides, she had more important concerns right now than what she might have dreamt about while she was knocked out.

~~~

Jack couldn't sleep that night. It was already way past midnight and his body demanded rest, but his mind was still busy dealing with the events of the day. Like everyone in a while, it was keeping its own hours. After having tossed and turned for two hours in bed, he gave up and got up. Careful not to make any noise, he got dressed and made himself a cup of tea in the kitchen. It had been a long day and he had made some decisions with far-reaching consequences. All in all, the day had left him with a bittersweet feeling. The realization that he and Maria had reached a dead end in their marriage was painful, but in a way it was liberating, even though he was still a bit reluctant to allow himself to see that. He had had a very long talk with Maria after work. In many ways, she shared his thoughts and they would continue the conversation on the weekend. On the bright side, he was happy that Samantha was alive and that she was going to be all right. He would have to talk to her as well when he got that chance. He wished he could see her on the weekend, but he needed to be there for his family then. If he and Maria split up, as it looked right now, he needed to be there for Hannah and Kate. In any case, he would call Samantha the next day to see how she was doing. Jack looked out the window and wondered. Was he doing the right thing this time? Or was he just making more mistakes?

~~~

It was night outside when Samantha woke up. Pain medication had dulled her headache considerably. A severe concussion and post-concussive syndrome had knocked her out and would keep her away from work for a while. This didn't annoy her as much as she would have thought it would. She would have thought she would be furious at the prospect of more downtime, but she almost welcomed it. She had the odd feeling it had something to do with the odd dream that she had. She still couldn't recall anything coherent—-just flashes, mainly feelings. There was something about choices and happiness. Rationally thought about, it felt really silly and maybe she really had hit her head a tad too hard. Not that it mattered.

_~Two years later~_

Samantha had mentally practised the upcoming conversation in her head all day. Still, she was more nervous than she had been before her first day of work.

"So why did you ask me to meet you here before dinner?" Jack asked, settling down on the couch.

"I wanted to talk to you about something," Samantha said nervously as she joined him on the couch.

"Okay, talk to me." Jack now sounded as unsettled as she was.

"Jack, I'm pregnant." There she had said it; there was no taking it back now. He had to react.

Jack looked at her. In that moment, Samantha knew. She smiled at Jack.

"I love you, Jack."

"I love you too."

_The End_


End file.
